New Year's Eve is the time I reflect on what has happened during the year, I realise all the dreams that have not come true and all the chances I should have taken. It is a time for regret. New Year is the time I contemplate the future, and realise that I have to let go.

I will never forget your promise to show me around New York City, I had watched The Terminal that evening, and was enchanted with the idea of New York at night. You said that you would, some day, show me New York, take me to the jazz clubs, and make sure I didn't get lost in a New York Minute. That's gone now though, I know you'll never take me to New York, that we'll never see the fireworks together, I know that I have lost you for good.

When I talked to you I could be anyone I wanted to. But you taught me that it was okay just to be me. This year has been the hardest of all for me, I have lost you, but I am so happy with who you made. I'm a new person, a better person. Someone that I know you would be proud of.

As it gets closer to midnight I realise that there is only one person that I'd like to spend that time with, everyone else wishing me a good New Year's tires me, I want to be with you at the moment. I want you to start 2009 with me. I want to be that person. I have never felt more alone, because it is onl your company I crave. And to think that I told myself next year I would forget about you, push you to the back of my mind, and pretend that you hadn't affected my world in any way.

Sometimes I feel sick, because of the way I let you become such a large part of my life, you became someone I relied on, and I realise now that I should never have let that happen. I often wonder if you think about what happened between us the same way that I do. Or did you just say goodbye, and that was the end? I hope not, because that would mean everything you ever said to me was a lie. That would break me even more, because I treated every single word that you said as the truth, and to find out that it wasn't would hurt me deep down inside. I live my life thinking of everything that you said to me.

I am so young and foolish, nothing will change that. Because you once made me promise, promise that I would grow, but never grow up. And from that day onwards, I have. I believe in Neverland, you were always my Peter Pan, taking me away to magical places, my Aladdin, showing me a whole new world. I know we'll never see Disneyland together, but you truly would have made it magical. Since parting I have visited Disney, with friend, and everytime I saw someone who might have been you my hopes soared, but of course, none of them were. I'm past that now. I know you're not coming to find me. I know that I will never see you.

I have an hour left, and hour left of a year which had you. Next year will be so empty. I don't want to leave this year behind. I want to hold on to everything that was ours. 2008 was ours. 2009 is mine and yours, seperately. Get everything you can from it and don't be afraid to take the chances, you deserve every happiness, and don't let anything prevent you from having them.

Goodbye, that's the first time I've actually said that, goodbye.